


Anything but Normal

by CelticKitsune



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Broken Families, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Mikey centric, slight insanity
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-12
Updated: 2018-02-06
Packaged: 2018-08-14 17:18:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 19,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8022445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CelticKitsune/pseuds/CelticKitsune
Summary: Some people like to be alone, while others simply can't handle it at all.Its been three years, Mikey's family starts coming back together, but being alone for thre years has taken its toll on the youngest member of the family.





	1. Chapter 1

The old door slid open, soft footsteps entered the room, a single candle lighting his way as he made his way over toward the tree that had been growing in the room for as long as he could remember. While growing up, he remembered having fun in this room, surrounded by his family. If he closed his eyes, he could still hear the sounds that had once filled this dojo. Metal against metal as his brothers fought, practiced, so they could be better, so they could make sure this precious family never fell apart. Soon their voices started floating around him as well, and he couldn’t help but smile as he ‘listened’ to them.

_“Ya think you can beat me that easily? Come on Fearless, you’ll have to try harder than that!”_

_“The point of this training is to anticipate when I am going to attack, not goading me into attacking you so you expect it coming,”_

_“Blah blah blah, I don’t need to know when something’s attacking, I just hit things before they hit me!”_

More sounds of fighting, and he smiled wider. His two oldest brothers, the two that always fought the most, because they were the only ones that could ever push each other further, it was why their fights were so serious at times, both of them had had a different weight to carry. One the leader, the one who made all the calls, and had his brothers lives on his shoulders, if something went wrong, it was his fault.

And one the protector, if something happened to his brothers, younger or older, he would never forgive himself. They had been a perfect balance for each other.

_“I don’t understand why we have to be here, while those two prove yet again that they’re the best,”_

The voice of his last brother came to him, and he smiled a little wider. “Because it’s just what they do, dude,” he replied, almost as naturally as if his brothers were actually here with him. As if his family wasn’t long broken.

_“Yame!”_

This voice was by far the most painful to ‘hear’, and had the small turtle opening his eyes to look at the single grave marker stuck in the ground at the base of the tree.

“Good morning, father. I know it’s been a couple days since I’ve come in here, but you know me, I still lose focus to easily,” Michelangelo said, a small smile tugging at his lips, but it never reached his eyes. Even his widest smiles never quite reached his eyes any more, but it was something that Mikey never noticed.

“So, the power’s still out,” Mikey said, setting the candle down on the ground as he knelt in front of the tree. “So, I guess that means training is canceled again today, can’t really train in the dark,” Mikey said.

“Shadows are a ninja’s friend, we will continue practicing on your stealth Michelangelo!” The small turtle said, trying to imitate Splinter's voice.

“Aww, but I’m stealthy enough already! I mean… we’ve been working on this for over a year,” Mikey pouted, his eyes never leaving the grave marker in front of him.

“Your brothers are working hard, and you must focus, Michelangelo,” Mikey continued speaking to himself. Letting out a dramatic sigh, he bowed.

“Hai, sensei,” he said, before blowing out the candle.

Mikey spent the next four hours in practice, trying to copy his father's voice to give himself encouragement, or a reprimand if he thought he had been losing focus again. It was how he had spent each morning for the past three years, since his brothers had left. He had been working on his ‘stealth’ since the power had gone out in the Lair. Mikey had tried to fix it once, and he was fairly sure that he had only made things worse.

 _“This is why you shouldn’t touch things, Mikey!”_ Donnie’s mental voice had scolded him.

“ _You break everything ya touch!”_ Even Raph’s mental voice hadn’t been happy with him.

 _“Don’t worry Mikey, Donnie will fix it, eventually, for now let’s just go and gather extra candles, we’ll use those for now,”_ Leo’s voice had been the only comforting one.

Mikey had wondered more than once if he was going insane, his ‘brothers’ had had a few things to say about that too, ranging from ‘ _you’ve always been insane, why start worrying about it now’_ , to _‘insanity prevents normal perception, behavior, and social interaction, considering you’ve always been like this, I would say you are still acting pretty normal and shouldn’t worry about being insane’._

To sum it up, whether he was sane or not, Mikey decided that he shouldn’t worry about it, because there was no one around that could call him out on it anyway.

Searching around for the match, Mikey relit the candle. _“You did well today,”_ Mikey smiled at the praise from his ‘father’.

“Does this mean I’m off the hook for tomorrow?” Mikey asked hopefully.

“ _Michelangelo_ ,” he let out a small sigh.

“I don’t want to just goof off, I mean, I had plans for tomorrow, we’re running low on matches, and candles, and I need to stock up on food supplies again,” Mikey said quickly.

“Very well, but do not stay out too late!” he told himself sternly, picking up the candle he hummed to himself and left the dojo, sliding the door closed behind him. A cold chill ran through the Lair and Mikey shuddered.

“Winter is coming,” he whispered to himself, and was unable to stop the giggle that escaped him. “Well, since it’s getting colder, and there’s really nothing more I can do today, maybe I’ll make my trip to the junkyard a bit earlier. Better to be prepared, just in case we get snowed in!” Mikey said, bringing his candle with him down the hall toward his room, he opened the door and dug around for the scarf that he had managed to salvage for himself, not that a single scarf did any good for him against the cold.

He had learned that last winter, or rather he had learned that when he had fallen asleep sometime in mid November, only to wake up in early April. The last thing Mikey wanted was another repeat of his unexpected hibernation.

“Still better than nothing,” Mikey said. “Maybe I should look for a coat, and some thick blankets, a space heater would be nice,” Mikey said. “Hey D, when are you going to fix this power?” there was no answer, not even one from his imaginary brother, and Mikey shuddered. Wrapping the scarf around his neck, he went back to the main part of the Lair, grabbing the empty shoulder bags that he had salvaged a while ago, slinging them over his shoulder Mikey blew the candle out and left the Lair.

“I’ll be back soon!” He called to no one, running away from the silence that followed him.

\-----------x

It was in the early hours of the morning, and the air had grown cold, Mikey could see little white puffs in front of him as he breathed. Pulling himself through the junk piles, digging around for things that he would find useful, and grabbing a few random things here and there that looked interesting. “I bet Donnie would be able to do something amazing with this,” Mikey said, picking up what looked like broken parts to an old computer.

He managed to find other things too, things that his brothers would never use, but it was the thought that counted, and so Mikey would drag things home with him. A set of boxing gloves for Raph, computer parts for Donnie, books for Leo. Everything cleaned up, and placed in his brothers rooms, or in Donnie’s case, in his lab.

Once he had one bag filled with things for his brothers, Mikey started hunting for the things he would actually need, looking for blankets that weren’t to old and ratty looking, and preferably didn’t smell to bad either.

Once his own bag was filled with things he would actually need, Mikey hurried on to his next stop for the evening. The dumpster behind a store, that’s only purpose was to sell candles, though Mikey didn’t always like the smell of most of the candles, he put up with them, because it was better than sitting alone in the dark of the Lair all the time.

Opening another bag, Mikey started filling it with candles, being careful of the one’s in jars that had broken glass. Breaking the glass further and taking the candle from inside, he grabbed plenty that would last him for a good month or so. He was just getting ready to pull himself out of the dumpster when he heard an all too familiar sound.

“Help! Someone please he-” the cries for help were cut off abruptly, and Mikey cringed. Removing the bags from his shoulders, he peeked out of the dumpster, there standing just a few feet away from his hiding place was a small group of purple dragons.

“Just my night,” Mikey sighed, removing a ninja star from his belt, he opened the lid as little as possible, and threw the star at the only light illuminating the ally.

“What the,” came the confused voices of the wanna-be thugs.

“Aw shit,” came another one, who seemed to have guessed what was about to happen. “Come out you freaks!” One of them shouted, backing up, and the person who had been crying for help slowly inched their way to the exit of the alley before running. The innocent now out of harm's way, Mikey chose that moment to burst from the dumpster, taking down the purple dragon closest to him.

He moved quickly and quietly, hardly making a sound as he took down one purple dragon after another. “You guys really should just give up on this whole crime life you’ve got going,” Mikey said, looking down at the four bodies lying on the ground. His only response was a small groan, shaking his head Mikey turned back to the dumpster, intending to grab his bags and head home.

Movement out of the corner of his eye was the only indication that Mikey had that he had to move, only seconds later a shot rang out, echoing off the walls in the alley as Mikey managed to dodge, but not before the bullet skinned his leg. Gritting his teeth together in order to stop himself from crying out, Mikey pulled out his kusarigama, the chain wrapped around his attackers hand, and one swift jerk on the chain had the man dropping the gun.

“You shouldn’t be playing with dangerous toys like this,” Mikey said, picking the gun up. Tucking it into his belt, not willing to leave it where these creeps would just pick it up and use it on someone else again. Pulling his chain away, Mikey put his kusarigama back in his belt, limping to the dumpster and grabbing his bags. Though he kept half an eye on the purple dragons still laying on the ground, making sure none of them were going to try and get a lucky shot on him again.

Mikey waited until he was far enough away from the alley, and sure that no one was following him, before he stopped long enough to wrap a bandage around his leg, and then made his way home. He took the long way around tonight, even though he wasn’t to thrilled about the chilly night air, he was less thrilled about the idea of going home at the moment. Out here he felt more alive, more like himself than he did back home, but he wasn’t able to come out very often any more, it was to dangerous. Even with the Kraang gone, and the Foot no longer in the city, there was still the possibility of danger, and Mikey knew that if anything happened to him, there was no one that would be coming for him.

So he remained out until the sun was starting to rise in the distance, and knowing better than to stay out when the sun was up, Mikey made his way down to the nearest manhole cover, slipping back into the sewers. The sound of the cover falling back had Mikey sighing, making sure his bags were still with him and he still had everything he had gathered at the dump, Mikey made his way back to the Lair.

The closer he got to his home, the more he could already hear his imaginary brothers voices. “ _Mikey! We were worried about you!”_

“That’s a lie,” Mikey mumbled miserably.

“ _Knucklehead! What were ya thinkin’! Stayin’ out all night!”_

“I don’t like being home Raph,” Mikey replied.

“ _What would happen if you were caught?”_

“I’d probably end up dead,” Mikey huffed. “What’s it matter anymore anyway… none of you are here, none of you care!” Mikey felt the misery he kept bottled up start to boil to the surface, he had come close to breaking down before, but he managed to push it down each time.

“ _We worry about you, Mikey,”_

The orange banded turtle shook his head. “No, you really don’t, if you cared about me, you all would be home by now,” Mikey said, “I wouldn’t have gone into hibernation last year, and woken up terrified about what happened, I wouldn't be in danger of going into hibernation again this year if Donnie was here to fix the stupid lights, I wouldn’t have to gather all this stupid junk for you guys, because you could do it yourself… and most of all, I wouldn’t be talking to myself!” Mikey’s yell echoed off the pipes in the sewers and he froze, baby blue eyes wide. He had said it, he had admitted it, and now a new fear started creeping into him.

“... guys…?” Mikey asked tentatively, straining his hearing, not that it ever did any good since he had never truly heard them. “Come on, I was… I was only joking, you know me, Dr. Prankenstein strikes again!” Mikey said, forcing a laugh out.

“Donnie?” Mikey called softly, seeking the comforting words of his best friend, the scurrying noise of rats, or the soft dripping of water was all he heard. “Raph?” His protector, the one who got angry the easiest, but would never leave Mikey alone if he was truly scared. Again, nothing but the normal quiet sounds of the sewers. “L-Leo…?” Mikey stuttered, already knowing that silence would once again be his answer.

Nodding to himself, Mikey forced himself to walk home, each step closer was a new kind of agony, his chest hurt, his throat was painfully tight. He was not meant to be alone like this, the voices had been what kept him going, the hope that he wasn’t truly alone, and that his brothers would be walking back through that door, Raph and Leo fighting like usual, and Donnie mumbling to himself about his latest project, or invention. But the reality of it was starting to crack through the fantasy world that Mikey had built for himself, he was alone, his father was dead, his brothers had left him.

And the worst of it was, Mikey didn’t even blame them for it. He was hurt, and perhaps a bit angry, but he knew that none of them had left him alone on purpose. Leo having been the first to leave, wanting to travel to Japan, they all had the option to go as well, but in the end Leo was the only one who had gone. Donnie and Raph had been next to leave, and even now Mikey wasn’t sure who had left first. Donnie had left a note explaining that he was going to California with April, there was a computer school out there, and while Donnie couldn’t actually attend himself, he could attend the classes via April.

As for Raph, Mikey was sure that his hot headed brother had taken Casey up on that offer to travel the US for a while, anything to get away from the city, anything to escape the suffocating pressure in the Lair. And Mikey, he just waited, his Tphone having been busted within the first week of him having the lair all to himself, Mikey had lost all contact with his brothers, except for the memory of their voices. And now, even that was gone.

\------------x

Something wasn’t right, he knew that as soon as he saw the entrance to the Lair, he didn’t need to be a super stealthy ninja to know that there was an intruder in his home. The small flickering light was indication enough of that, because Mikey had learned the hard way to never leave a candle burning, especially if you intended to go out for the night.

Putting his bags down behind some nearby pipes, where they would be hidden and out of the way, and then using all the skills he had, Mikey slowly stuck closer to the entrance to his home. He could hear muffled voices, meaning two, or three intruders, pulling out a ninja star, Mikey peeked around the corner, wondering if he could catch a glimpse of who was in his home.

He didn’t see anyone at first, but he did see the candle sitting on the coffee table, in a place he had most definitely not left it. Because that was rule number two, always leave the candles in the same spot, it made them easier to find when he needed them.

Blue eyes scanned the room slowly, looking for any signs of the intruders, he still didn’t see them, but he could definitely hear them. Moving a bit further into the doorway, he saw the door to Donnie’s lab was open, and Mikey’s eyes narrowed in anger, how dare these people come into his home, and disturb his brother’s sanctuary. Eyes flickering away from the door, Mikey looked again at the candle before using the same trick he had used on the purple dragons, shooting his ninja star at the candle he watched the flame go out.

There was more light coming from Donnie’s lab though, so he hadn’t put the intruders in complete darkness, something he would rectify soon. Keeping to the shadows, Mikey followed the sound of the voices, though he didn’t pay much attention to what they were saying. As he neared the door, he heard movement.

“The candle in the living room went out,” someone said, and Mikey pressed himself back against the wall right next to the door, sensing someone moving this way.

“It probably just blew out, this place is a lot more drafty than I remember,” the second voice said as they neared the door, they had just stepped out and Mikey took his moment to pounce on the intruder, tackling them to the floor. Hearing them cry out in surprise and pain as Mikey pinned them, the blade of his kusarigama raised and ready to strike.

“Donnie!” the voice of the person inside the lab yelled, a moment later they too were in the living room, a flashlight shining on Mikey, and the olive green turtle he had pinned to the floor.

“Mikey?” The taller turtle stared in surprise, and Mikey blinked, equally surprised to see that it was one of his brothers that he was pinning down.

“D…?” Mikey asked, jerking away as if he had been burned. He looked from Donnie toward the person holding the flashlight, and back again. “This… no, not this isn’t real, I’m dreaming,” Mikey said, continuing to back up.

“Mikey, what happened here?” Donnie asked, accepting the help from the person still holding the flashlight. Mikey however didn’t answer, he backed up further, his eyes focused on Donnie, this is what he had wanted, he wanted his brothers to come home, he didn’t want to be alone any more.

“Or maybe you’ve finally just lost your mind,” Raph’s mental voice echoed inside Mikey’s head, the small turtle couldn’t help but smile, happy that his imaginary brothers hadn’t actually left him like he had thought.

“Mikey?” Donnie asked, looking more concerned as he studied his only baby brother. He moved forward, and Mikey reacted quickly, jumping back, his hands going instantly to his nunchucks.

“Who are you?” Mikey asked, narrowing his eyes. “You can’t be my brother,” Mikey said, finally deciding that this must be some sort of trap.

“What are you talking about? Of course it’s me,” Donnie said, moving to step closer but stopped as Mikey started swinging his nunchucks warningly.

“My brother left, he’s out in California,” Mikey said.

“I was out there, but I came back,” Donnie tried to explain.

“No way dude, my brother wouldn’t have come back until he learned everything he possibly could, and I may not be as smart as him, but doesn’t college last more than three years?” Mikey raised an eye ridge at him.

“Normally yes,” the unknown person holding the light said, stepping forward. “But Donnie finished it, he did extra work, and was ahead in all his classes.”

“And who are you?” Mikey asked, glaring at the light. The flashlight moved and the person shown the light on their own face. “...April?” Mikey asked, frowning as he slowly stopped spinning his nunchaku around. Over the last three years, the only voices Mikey had ever heard were those of his family, his father, and brothers. Never once had he heard April, or even Casey.

Shifting his gaze back towards where Donnie stood, Mikey studied the olive green turtle. “Are… you’re really here, right?” Mikey asked, his voice cracking from the sudden buildup of emotions.

“Yeah, I’m really here, Mikey,” Donnie said, slowly stepping forward, still aware of the fact that Mikey had his weapon out. “Mikey, what happened?” Donnie asked again.

“I… I broke the generator…” Mikey said, “well, I don’t think I broke it originally, the lights went out one day and… well I tried to fix it, but I think I made it worse,” Mikey admitted.

“That’s okay, if it’s not a simple fix, I can just get another,” Donnie said, now standing in front of his little brother. Mikey shifted under the intense gaze Donnie was giving him, he knew his brother was checking him over, and Mikey also knew what DOnnie would find, even in the dim light it would be easy to see that Mikey had lost weight, not a lot to be too alarming, but all his ‘baby fat’ was gone. And Mikey also knew there were a few extra scars on his body that hadn’t been there the last time Donnie had seen him.

“Mikey, your leg is bleeding,” Donnie said, and Mikey blinked looking down at his leg.

“Oh yeah, forgot about that,” Mikey said as he looked at his quickly bandaged leg. “It’s just a scratch, nothing serious,” Mikey shrugged it off.

“Let’s go change the bandages at least,” Donnie said, reaching out to take Mikey’s hand and lead him into the lab. Mikey only allowed himself to be led along for a few steps when he suddenly pulled his hand away from Donnie, almost violently.

“I can do it myself!” Mikey snapped.

“Mikey, you’re hurt, I just want-”

“No! You can’t come back here and start babying me again as if nothing has changed! Because guess what, everything has changed!” Mikey said, not sure where all this anger was coming from all of a sudden, but he couldn’t help it. Donnie had left him, that was something Mikey had always expected Raph and Leo to do, because that’s just how they worked, and they would come back eventually. But not Donnie, that was not how his best friend worked.

“I’m not trying to baby you…” Donnie said, “I just want to change the bandage, and look at the cut myself-”

“I told you I was fine, just leave it alone,” Mikey said, turning away from his brother and heading toward the dojo, he paused half way across the room before looking back at Donnie. “Oh, welcome home,” Mikey said and vanished from sight leaving a very confused Donnie and April standing there.

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

Mikey sat in the dojo, like he had nearly every morning for the past three years; kneeling before the grave marker once again, his eyes closed as he attempted to meditate. “Focus, Michelangelo,” he scolded himself, copying Splinter’s voice as usual.

“I’m trying to focus, I just… I have too much on my mind, I can’t do this today,” Mikey protested. Shifting so that his legs were stretched out in front of him, he tilted his head back to stare up at the ceiling.

“That is what meditation is for, Michelangelo.”

“I know, but this is different.” Mikey pulled his knees up to his plastron, wrapping his arms around his legs and resting his chin on top of his knees. “Donnie came back yesterday… at least I think he did. I only saw him the once, so maybe I just dreamed it.” Mikey sighed.

 _“How do you know I’m not here, unless you check my lab?”_ Imaginary Donnie said.

“Because if you're really here, I might actually get mad at you,” Mikey admitted softly. “And if I get too mad at you, you might leave again.” Mikey's breath hitched, tilting his head slightly to hide the fact that he had started crying.

 _“If Donnie leaves again, you’ll still have us.”_ Leo’s voice echoed in his mind, but unlike before, the ‘voice’ of his brothers brought him no comfort. They were a painful reminder that he had been left alone, that his real family had abandoned him.

“Mikey?”

“Shut up, I don't want to hear any of you anymore,” Mikey snapped, but there was no real venom behind his voice.

A soft noise behind him, however, had Mikey spinning up onto his feet, a small knife held in his hand, his eyes whited out and narrowed at the intruder. Until he registered who it was standing in the dojo with him. “Oh… Uh, hey, D,” Mikey said awkwardly. “Didn't know you were still here,” Mikey said, putting his knife away.

“Of course I'm still here… where else would I be?” Donnie asked, and Mikey could only answer him with a shrug. “How's your leg?”

“It's fine,” Mikey snapped, shifting so that Donnie couldn't see his poor bandage job, but the purple-banded turtle just nodded.

“Okay.”

Mikey raised an eye ridge at his taller brother, waiting for him to press the matter again. When he didn't, Mikey relaxed a little. “So, did you need something?” Mikey asked.

“Yes, and no,” Donnie said, his eyes flickering toward the grave marker behind Mikey. The orange-banded turtle turned to look at it too.

“Did you want some time alone with sensei?” Mikey asked, looking at Donnie again.

“Not really, I mostly came in here to talk to you,” Donnie said, his gaze locking with Mikey's. “I looked at the power generators, and it may take longer to fix than I originally anticipated,” Donnie said, frowning when Mikey just laughed.

“Guess I broke it pretty good then.” Mikey shook his head grinning widely.

“I’m not so sure it was just you,” Donnie said, “from what I can tell they had some water damage, and that's originally what caused the power to go out, but the generator looks like it hasn't been touched in-”

“A year?” Mikey offered, interrupting his brother. “Well, longer than a year now... I think the power went out sometime in early spring, we had a lot of rain last year, that might be where the water damage came from.”

“Wait, the Lair hasn't had power in over a year?” Donnie asked, clearly shocked by this information. “What did you guys do during the winter?”

“Slept,” Mikey said, “Totally freaked me out too, dude! All I remember is going to sleep sometime before Christmas, and when I woke up it was already spring again,” Mikey said, suppressing a shudder at the memory.

“You went into hibernation…” Donnie said, “why didn't you and Raph go somewhere warmer?” Donnie questioned.

Mikey tilted his head in confusion. _“Ha! He thinks I was really here with you the whole time! For someone so smart, Donnie sure is stupid.”_

Mikey shook his head. “He’s not,” he argued back with ‘Raph’.

“He’s not what?” Donnie asked, frowning in concern at his little brother.

“I was saying you're not stupid,” Mikey explained.

Donnie raised an eye ridge at his brother. “Who said I was stupid?”

“Raph did,” Mikey said.

 _“Did you forget, knucklehead, you’re the only one who can hear us, we’re all in your head.”_ ‘Raph’ laughed.

Mikey shook his head, unwilling to tell his imaginary brother to shut up, because Mikey didn’t want to risk them ‘leaving’ just in case Donnie decided not to stick around. “Never mind. Anyway, Raph's not here,” Mikey said.

“What do you mean? Where did he go?” Donnie asked, trying to get some sort of answer that he could understand.

“I think he went out with Casey… I don’t really know honestly, all he said before he left was that he was going on a trip and he would be back eventually. I was kinda half asleep when he told me this, so I don’t remember much,” Mikey explained, because there was no reason for him to go into details about what had actually happened. That was years ago now, and all in the past. “I tried calling him a few times, but then my phone died, and the power went out so I wasn’t able to charge my phone,” Mikey said, not willing to admit that his phone had actually been broken, due to a rare fit of rage on his part.

“Wait… how long has he been gone?” Donnie sounded even more worried as he studied Mikey.

_“Gotta love how he just shows up, and thinks he can play the concerned older brother now. If he had been concerned about ya, then he would of called ya or somethin’.”_

“My phone was dead; even if anyone called, they wouldn’t have been able to get in touch with me,” Mikey replied to ‘Raph’, before focusing on Donnie again. “He left the same day you did, bro,” Mikey said. “Are we done with the twenty questions now? I need to go get some food.” Mikey moved to walk around Donnie, however, the purple-banded turtle grabbed Mikey's arm before he made it too far.

“Mikey, you're really starting to worry me, what do you mean Raph left when I did?” Donnie didn't let go of Mikey's arm, even when the smaller turtle started pulling at it.

“Just what I said, dude! I have no idea if he left before or after you, but I woke up one morning and he was gone, and you had just up and left!” Mikey snapped, wrenching his arm away from Donnie, who stood, looking shocked.

“Why didn't you call?” Donnie asked.

“Because it was obvious that none of you wanted to be here,” Mikey said softly, lowering his gaze to the floor. “I get that none of you could be here after Splinter…” Mikey shook his head. “It doesn't even matter anymore dude, and ya know, it's actually been pretty fun doing things on my own.” Mikey grinned widely, though his smile didn't reach his eyes.

“Mikey…” Donnie reached out to put a hand on his brother’s shoulder, only to have Mikey side step him and continue on his way to the door.

“I’m going to see if I can find some food for the two of us,” Mikey said, leaving the dojo quickly.

Mikey heard his imaginary brother let out a long sigh. “You know running away from me isn't going to stop the conversation.” Mikey huffed and chose to ignore imaginary Donnie, and left the lair, sure that his real brother would want something a bit more substantial than the left overs Mikey had been able to scrounge up for himself over the last few years.

Mikey hadn't made it too far from the lair when he heard someone up ahead of him. He paused, glancing around before finding a spot where he could blend in with the shadows. As the intruder passed by without noticing him, Mikey couldn't help but be proud of himself and all the progress he had made with his stealth.

Mikey studied the person as they walked by, relaxing as it took him a moment to recognize the intruder as April; however, his curiosity was piqued as to why she was down here so early in the morning. Remaining in the shadows, Mikey followed her back to the lair.

“Donnie? Mikey?” April called as she entered the dimly lit lair. Donnie came out of the dojo upon hearing April.

“Hey, April, did you manage to get those parts I asked for?” Donnie asked, coming over to the entrance, pausing for a moment as he glanced behind April.

Mikey remained as still as he could, knowing that if he moved at all Donnie would spot him.

“Think of this as advanced training,” imaginary Leo said. “You get to put your skills to the test against someone who is also a ninja.” Mikey refrained from answering back, wanting to remind Leo that Donnie was three years out of practice. However, Mikey bit his lip and remained quiet.

April turned around to see what Donnie was looking at. “What is it, Donnie?” April asked, returning her attention to the purple-banded turtle.

“Nothing,” Donnie replied, though he kept his gaze focused on the shadows where Mikey was hiding for a moment longer. “So, did you find what I needed?” Donnie asked April, finally looking away from the shadows. Though Mikey still didn’t dare move, knowing that Donnie was still half focused on this spot.

“I found most of it, at least this should be enough to get one of your generators back up and running,” April said, handing over the bag that she was carrying. “So, have you talked to Mikey?” April questioned.

Donnie let out a small sigh as he took the bag offered him. “Yes and no... I feel like a lot’s happened since I’ve been gone,” Donnie said.

“Well, three years can be a long time,” April said. “I know that I never called home as often as I probably should have.”

“Yeah, but you still called home, I just… I never did, April,” Donnie admitted. This was something that April had already known, because she had urged him to call his brothers, though at the same time she understood why he hadn’t really wanted to talk to anyone. Everyone had been dealing with the grief of losing Splinter, and Donnie’s way of dealing with it was to bury himself in his work.

“Are they that upset with you?” April asked.

“They probably would be, if they were here,” Donnie said.

“What do you mean?” April sounded worried. “Mikey’s still here, and Raph-”

“Raph apparently left about the same time I did,” Donnie interrupted. “And Leo, as far as I can tell, never came back from Japan,” Donnie explained, running a hand over his face.

“They… I knew about Leo, but Raph? He just up and left?” April sounded just as surprised as Donnie had.

“According to Mikey,” Donnie sighed again.

“Donnie, none of this is making any sense. Why would Raph just leave? He never would have left Mikey here alone,” April said, remembering how protective Raph was over all his brothers, Mikey in particular, since the orange-banded turtle was the youngest.

“You’re right, none of this is making sense,” Donnie agreed. “But I’m not getting much out of Mikey either.”

“Is he not talking to you? I could see him being upset if he was left here alone…” April said.

“No, he’s talking to me just fine… but it’s not just me he’s talking to,” Donnie said. “I heard him talking to Master Splinter earlier,” Donnie explained when April looked confused.

“That doesn’t seem too strange, I mean, when I visit my mother's grave I talk to her too; it makes me feel better sometimes,” April said.

“That’s normal though, but you don’t sit there and participate in both sides of the conversation. Mikey would say something, and then imitate Master Splinter’s voice and reply back to himself,” Donnie explained.

“Okay… that is a bit strange,” April admitted. “Are you going to talk to him about it?”

“I will. Later though, after I get the power back up and running. I can get the t-phones charged up again, then I’m going to call Raph and get his ass back here,” Donnie said.

Mikey continued watching from his spot in the shadows as Donnie and April took the bag of parts to Donnie’s lab, and disappeared inside. Mikey didn’t move, just continued watching the lab door, while his mind tried to process what he had just heard.

 _“This is what you wanted, Mikey, your family’s coming home,”_ he told himself.

 _“You’re dragging them back to where they don’t want to be,”_ imaginary Raph growled. “We left this place because we didn’t want to be here any more, we’re free, you’re the idiot that stayed here,”

“I stayed because this is our home…” Mikey said softly.

 _“You think we want to come back here?”_ imaginary Leo asked. _“What if I’m happy in Japan? I mean clearly I am, why else wouldn’t I have come back? I don’t want to be reminded of what I lost, and because you can’t take care of yourself, Donnie is going to drag us all back here.”_ Leo’s harsh words rang through Mikey’s mind, and the smaller turtle shook his head.

“No, I’m not… it’s not my fault, I was fine on my own,” Mikey said.

 _“If you were fine on your own, then why are we here?”_ imaginary Donnie asked. _“If you were truly capable of taking care of yourself, then why does the real me have to fix your mess? He hasn’t even been home a full day, and you already have him working on fixing things you broke.”_

“I didn’t tell him he had to fix it, he’s doing it on his own,” Mikey said.

_“I’m not talking about the generator.”_

“No… they didn’t leave because of me,” Mikey hiccuped as tears slowly rolled down his cheeks.

 _“Three years, and you’re still lying ta yourself,”_ imaginary Raph huffed.

“Not my fault…”

 _“You’re right, it’s not your fault, Mikey,”_ imaginary Leo said, and Mikey smiled. _“But just answer me one thing, who was Master Splinter protecting, when he was killed?”_

“Shut up!” Mikey snapped. “You promised you’d never mention that again! It’s NOT my fault! It’s not… you’re supposed to be on my side, why… why now…”

 _“We’re still on your side, Mikey,”_ imaginary Donnie reassured him.

 _“But we just want you to think about things, before you drag your real brothers back here. You stayed for a reason, just as they left for a reason,”_ Leo said. And Mikey nodded his head slowly.

“Mikey?” Donnie’s voice caught the smaller turtle's attention. Whipping his head up, Mikey blinked at the purple-banded turtle standing in front of him. “What are you doing on the floor?” Donnie asked.

Mikey looked down again and frowned when he saw he was kneeling on the floor. “I… I don’t know,” he admitted, slowly pulling himself back to his feet. “Um… I forgot to ask, what did you want to eat? I was thinking of getting pizza… but I didn’t know if you ate that any more…” Mikey said.

“Mikey…” Donnie looked concerned. “Don’t worry about it,” he said. “April’s going up to get us something to eat, why don’t you come help me in my lab?” Donnie asked.

“Nah, I’m still a klutz, I don’t want to break anything else,” Mikey said.

“There’s not much in there that you could break anyway,” Donnie said. “Most of the stuff in there needs to be replaced by now anyway. Come on, I could really use the help.” Donnie held his hand out for Mikey.

Despite his imaginary brothers’ warnings, Mikey slowly took hold of Donnie’s hand, allowing himself to be led down into his brother’s lab. And if he was holding onto Donnie’s hand a little tighter than was necessary, the purple banded turtle didn’t say anything about it.

\-------------------x

Mikey sat watching Donnie as the taller turtle worked on the generator, removing parts that were worn out and useless, and oiling up other parts that still seemed like they would work, but were a bit rusted.

The two of them sat in silence, the only sound in the room being Donnie's tinkering, and it remained like this for nearly an hour until Donnie sighed and put his tools down. “You're really quiet, Mikey.”

The orange-banded turtle blinked at him, tilting his head slightly. “Is that a problem?” he asked.

“I was just wondering if there was something on your mind,” Donnie said, grabbing a nearby cloth and wiping his hands clean from the grease that covered them.

“No, not really,” Mikey said, leaning back in the chair he had been occupying and stared up at the ceiling. “Hey D, why did you come back?” Mikey asked, glancing back at his brother for a moment.

“I thought it was about time that I came home,” Donnie answered. “I know I should have tried to call home at some point-”

“Yeah, you really should have,” Mikey said, cutting him off, shaking his head before flashing Donnie a wide grin. “But with my phone dead, you never could have gotten in touch with me anyway.” Mikey stood and stretched.

“Mikey.”

“I get it though, why everyone left. I guess I was just the unlucky one that had nowhere else to go; suppose that's a good thing though, I mean I have managed to keep the purple dragons from taking over the city.” Mikey said, seeming unfazed by his three years of near isolation. However, from the way Donnie was looking at him, Mikey was sure that he wasn't fooling his brother at all.

“You do know it's okay for you to be angry at me, even at Leo and Raph too?" Donnie said, keeping his gaze fixed on Mikey. "We never should have left like we did... I never should have left like I did. If I had talked to either you or Raph, instead of just taking off…”

“Not your fault, dude, besides, Leo and Raph used to take off all the time, it's only fair that you got to do the same at least once.” Mikey shrugged it off as if spending the last three years by himself hadn’t affected him at all. The two brothers fell silent again, and Donnie resumed his work, wanting to get the generator up and running as soon as possible, and get some actual heat running through the Lair again.

 _“He just thought it was time to come home? What the shell kinda answer is that?”_ imaginary Raph growled.

 _“Maybe he finally just realised that leaving his family like that was the wrong thing to do,”_ imaginary Donnie snapped back, and Mikey sighed closing his eyes.

 _“Why don’t you shut up, Don, Mikey don’t need ya anymore, not with the ‘real’ you back,”_ imaginary Raph snapped and Mikey wanted to tell the both of them to shut up.

 _“It would be best if you didn’t talk to us out loud with him here,”_ imaginary Leo had warned, and Mikey couldn’t help but agree.

“Hey D, I’m going to go stretch my legs,” Mikey said, jumping up from the chair and hurrying out of the lab before Donnie could say anything. He went straight to the dojo, closing the door behind him and he sighed once he was inside the dark room. “Really, guys… you’re not helping anything,” Mikey grumbled.

 _“And what exactly were we supposed to be helping with?”_ imaginary Raph asked, and Mikey could almost see his brother crossing his arms, and giving him that look, the one that clearly said he hadn’t been trying to help.

“Look… Donnie’s just gotten back… and well, I know you’re all in my head, and… well that’s not… not normal, even I know that,” Mikey said running a hand over his head.

 _“Are you asking us to leave?”_ imaginary Donnie asked.

“No!” Mikey said quickly, “no, I don’t want anyone to leave,” the silence stretched on for a moment and Mikey could feel his heart beating a little faster.

 _“We won’t leave you, Mikey,”_ imaginary Leo promised and Mikey sighed in relief.

“Okay then… well, when I’m around Donnie… could you maybe just keep it down a little?” Mikey asked.

 _“I will keep them quiet, Mikey,”_ imaginary Leo said.

 _“Although, if he thinks you’re normal, he might just up and leave again,”_ imaginary Raph pointed out, and Mikey chewed on his lower lip. he knew that Raph was right; if Donnie thought he had gotten on fine without them, he might take off with April again, and Mikey would be alone in the Lair once more.

However, if Mikey did tell Donnie about what he was hearing, told his brainiac brother that three years solitude had finally knocked loose the small bit of sanity he had, Donnie would insist on staying, insist on fixing his little brother. That thought frightened Mikey even more, because it wasn’t so much the voices he was hearing that scared him, it was what the voices were protecting him from.

 _“Mikey! Don’t think about it! Stop right now!”_ imaginary Leo ordered.

“Sorry, Leo,” Mikey sighed. “I’m just a little torn. I don’t want Donnie to leave again but… Raph’s right, if he thinks I’m normal he’s not going to have any reason to stay, but if he thinks something’s wrong… then all of you leave…” Mikey closed his eyes.

 _“Get up, Mikey,”_ imaginary Raph snapped. _“Get up, and go back to that lab, spend time with your real brother while he’s still here.”_

“Promise, you guys aren’t going anywhere?” Mikey asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

 _“We promise,”_ imaginary Donnie said. Nodding to himself, Mikey turned sliding the door to the dojo open again stopping when he saw the worried face of his purple banded brother standing just outside the door.

“Uh… hey D, what’s up?” Mikey asked.

“Mikey… I think we need to talk,” Donnie said.

“No, we don't,” Mikey said, and was satisfied to see the look of surprise cross his tallest brothers face. “We don't need to talk for one simple reason.”

“And what reason is that?” Donnie questioned curiously.

“Cause April just showed up with food,” Mikey said, grinning widely he hurried passed Donnie. “April! What delicious treats have you brought us?” Mikey asked, hurrying over to the entrance of the Lair, turning to watch his brother, Donnie saw that April was in fact standing there, two shopping bags full of food.

“Hey, April,” Donnie greeted, less enthusiastic than his baby brother, but he also went over to relieve his friend of her load, before Mikey made off with everything.

“You brought peanut butter and jelly! Oh April, you da best!” Mikey said loudly, taking a loaf of bread and the two condiments and hurried off into the kitchen. Donnie watched this all with a saddened expression.

“Donnie?” April’s voice broke into his thoughts, the olive green turtle turned back to face her. “Donnie, what's wrong?”

“I’m not sure,” Donnie said, his focus on the kitchen door where Mikey had just vanished through. “Something is really wrong with Mikey though,” Donnie turned his attention back to April.

“How so? I know you said before that Mikey was talking to himself, was he doing it again?” April questioned.

Donnie let out a small sigh and closed his eyes as he thought about what he was going to say. He wished it was nothing more than Mikey talking to himself, trying to get rid of the silence that had taken over the Lair for three years, and maybe it had started out that way. “He’s talking to us,” Donnie finally answered. “Well, us as in, Leo and Raph…”

“But… they’re not here,” April frowned.

“No they’re not,” Donnie sighed again. “I think I’m going to have to call Leo and Raph back here sooner rather than later,” he admitted. “I don’t have time to tinker with the generators now, so I’m going to scrap them, I hate to ask you but…”

“I’ll head back out now and buy you two new ones, so you can stop worrying about that, I’ll have them for you no later than tomorrow,” April promised, hugging Donnie. “You just worry about Mikey now, he needs you.”

“Thank you, April,” Donnie hugged her back for a moment before letting her leave, while he turned his attention to the eerily quiet kitchen. When he left the Lair three years ago, he never would have imagined that his baby brother would be left alone the whole time, but the damage had been done, and now it was up to Donnie to start fixing it.

\-----------x

Mikey frowned deeply as he peeked around the corner of the kitchen door, watching as April hurried out of the Lair again. As Donnie’s attention started turning toward the kitchen again, Mikey ducked out of sight. He had to think of something he could do for damage control; Mikey liked having Donnie back, but if he really did call Leo and Raph back, things would be different again.

 _“We can’t let him stay here,”_ imaginary Raph growled.

 _“I always did have a bad habit of sticking my nose where it doesn’t belong,”_ imaginary Donnie let out a long sigh.

“No, you really didn’t, Don.” Mikey shook his head, going over to the counter and lighting the candle that was there.

 _“If I thought there was something wrong with my brothers, I wouldn’t rest until I knew what was wrong,”_ imaginary Donnie shot back.

“Okay, I’ll give you that one.” Mikey leaned back against the counter, his eyes fixed on the kitchen door just in case his real brother came to check on him.

 _“He’s probably calling your real brothers,”_ imaginary Leo informed him. That had Mikey running to the kitchen door again, leaning out and looking around the Lair to see if he could spot Donnie. He grinned widely when he saw his purple-banded brother standing by the door to the dojo.

“Hey, D! Did you want one of these sandwiches?” Mikey called out to him, trying not to laugh when Donnie jumped, having been surprised by Mikey’s sudden appearance again.

 _“Or caught red-handed, he’s got his phone in his hand,”_ imaginary Leo hissed.

“Uh, sure, Mikey, I’ll be right there, I’ve just got to do something first,” Donnie said, smiling back at Mikey.

 _“He’s going to call your real brothers back, and ruin everything!”_ imaginary Raph shouted, and Mikey winced.

“I know, I know! But what do you want me to do? It’s not like I can just take his phone from him while he’s USING it!” Mikey snapped back, keeping his voice quiet.

“Mikey?”

“I’m going to make some extra sandwiches! I’ll bring them into your lab when they’re done, and we can finish working on that generator,” Mikey said quickly, ducking back into the kitchen, however he remained by the door, straining to hear Donnie in the other room.

There was silence, and Mikey thought for a second that Donnie might have gone back to the lab already. He was just about to take a look when he heard his brother’s voice.

“Hey Raph… yeah I know it’s been a while… well you never called either… look, I didn’t call to argue over who should have called who, all of us are in the wrong for not keeping in touch… yes I know Leo left first… Raph, shut the fuck up and listen! Something’s wrong with Mikey…no he’s not hurt! Not physically anyway. No, I don’t think it’s life threatening….RAPH! He was left alone in the Lair… yes I know he can take care of himself, but he was left alone for three years! Yeah, you do that, I’m calling Leo next… or you can… right, okay, I’ll see you when you get back…"

Raph was coming back, Donnie had called him and he was actually coming back. Mikey didn’t know how he should feel about that, if it had been that easy to get Raph to come home Mikey would have found a way to try it long ago.

 _“You did try it though,”_ imaginary Raph pointed out. _“You had yelled, cried and pleaded with him not to leave, and he left anyway.”_

“He… he didn’t want to be here…” Mikey said, his voice shaking as he tried to once again justify Raph’s actions that had lead to the red-banded turtle leaving the Lair.

 _“He didn’t want to be with YOU,”_ imaginary Raph pointed out.

“I was pushing him… I was being to clingy… Splinter had died, and Leo had left… Raph was just… he was just angry.” Mikey hiccuped, rubbing at his eyes to stop the fresh flow of tears.

 _“You ruin everything you touch!”_ the harsh words rang through his mind, and Mikey slowly sank down to the floor, his hands going up to cover his ears, knowing that that wouldn’t help. He was stuck now, stuck in the memories that played out vividly as if it were all happening again. Even as tears streamed down his face, his eyes never blinking as he focused on one spot on the kitchen floor where the image of his father’s body lay.

“I’m sorry… I’m sorry, please… make it go away, I’m sorry…” Mikey pleaded.

 _“Close your eyes, Mikey,”_ imaginary Leo demanded, and Mike struggled to follow that one command, but managed it. His eyes clenched shut, his ears covered as he focused on the voices of his brothers as they eased him away from the pain, away from the reality of being alone.

TBC


	3. chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter hasn't been beta read yet, so please forgive any mistakes, if you see something major please let me know and I will do my best to fix it!

 

 

Raph glared down at his phone that was ringing for the third time in five minutes. He hadn’t even bothered to look at the caller ID to see who was so desperate to get ahold of him. But that was only because he was a little pre-occupied with some local thugs that Casey had to go ahead and make angry. As the phone rang again, Raph growled in frustration, throwing a punch and knocking one of the thugs down, jumping up onto a nearby fire escape he pulled his phone out as he made it to the rooftops. “Make it quick I’m busy.”   
  
“Hey Raph,” Donnie’s voice came from the other end.  
  
“Don?” Raph asked, shocked, and wanting to make sure he wasn’t just hearing things. “Why the fuck are you callin me all out of nowhere?” Raph snapped, jumping from one rooftop to another.  
  
“Yeah I know it’s been awhile.”  
  
“Three years is more than a while,” Raph snapped, trying not to sound bitter about the fact that he hadn’t heard from any of his brothers in so long. “So why did ya never call?”  
  
“Well you never called either” Donnie pointed out.  
  
“You’re right, I never did, sorry, I had no idea that it was supposed to be up to me ta keep in touch, my mistake.” Raph climbed down another fire escape, ducking through a few back yards just to make sure he lost the thugs in case they had actually decided to follow him.  
  
“Look, I didn’t call to argue over who should have called who, all of us are in the wrong for not keeping in touch,” Donnie said, and Raph snorted.  
  
“If we really want to point fingers, maybe we should just be blaming Leo, he was the one who left first.”  
  
“Yes I know Leo left first.” Donnie let out a long sigh, Raph knew that none of them were happy with Leo’s abrupt trip to Japan, though at the same time none of them tried to stop him as they also knew it was something Leo had to do.  
  
“Well, then why don’t you state your business and then call and whine to Fearless, and if ya do that, you can pass on a message from me, tell him that he’s a-”  
  
“Raph, shut the fuck up and listen!” Donnie’s raised voice, and the fact that his passive brother actually swore at him shut Raph up instantly. “Something’s wrong with Mikey,” it was as if a switch had been flipped in his brain, Raph came to a sudden halt, his hand gripped his phone tighter as his brain registered what Donnie had just said.  
  
“Mikey? Is he hurt?” Raph asked quickly.  
  
“No he’s not hurt!” Donnie answered just as quickly. “Not physically anyway,” the purple banded turtle added, which did nothing to calm Raph’s sudden worry for the youngest turtle.  
  
“Not Physically? What the fuck does that mean Don? Is he sick? Is it something life threatening?”  
  
“No, I don’t think it’s life threatening,” Donnie answered and Raph couldn’t contain his annoyed growl.  
  
“You don’t THINK it’s life threatening? You just said something was wrong with him, and then you say he’s not hurt, and he’s not sick-”  
  
“RAPH!” Donnie shouted, stopping Raph’s tirade again. “He was left alone in the Lair.”  
  
“He was left alone? That’s why you called me? You do know Mikey’s a big boy and can take care of himself, right?”  
  
“Yes I know he can take care of himself,” Donnie was starting to sound just as frustrated as Raph felt. “But he was left alone for three years!”  
  
Raph could practically feel all the blood draining from his face, three years, Mikey had been alone in the Lair for three years, meaning Mikey had been alone ever since the last time they had talked, which had been that horrible fight. Shaking his head, Raph focused on the problem at hand now. “I’m coming home,” Raph said.  
  
“Yeah, you do that, I’m calling Leo next.”  
  
“No, I’ll do it,” Raph said.  
  
“Or you can,” Donnie thankfully didn’t argue, probably knowing that he would have better luck getting Leo to come home now.  
  
“I’ll get his ass back to the Lair as well,” Raph promised.  
  
“Right, okay, I’ll see you when you get back.” Donnie said, sounding relieved.  
  
“Yeah, see ya soon,” Raph said and hung up his phone, staring down at the phone that he had carried with him for the past three years, he had thought of calling the others a few times, and had thought of calling Mikey more than once, but after the fight they had had, Raph had been sure he was the last person Mikey wanted to see, and may still be true, but Raph now needed to see the smaller turtle. He also wanted answers, as to how, and why, Mikey had been left alone so long, or why his once lover had never called any of them.  
  
Tucking his phone back into his belt, Raph set off to the apartment he and Casey were currently staying in. He didn’t know if his human friend would be going back with him or not, but he would at least tell Casey where he was going.  
  
\-----------x  
  
Mikey slowly opened his eyes, blinking in the dim light of the room he let out a small groan and rolled over. His head was pounding and he didn’t feel like getting out of bed just yet.  
  
“Mikey?” Donnie’s voice broke through his sleep fogged mind and Mikey groaned again.  
  
“Leave me alone… I’m tired,” Mikey said, hugging his pillow and burying his face in it.  
  
“You can go back to sleep after, I promise,” Donnie said, and Mikey felt a hand placed on his shoulder. This had Mikey’s eyes snapping open instantly to stare at his purple banded brother.  
  
 _“Bout time you woke up, knucklehead.”_ imaginary Raph said.  
  
“What?” Mikey frowned, sitting up pushing Donnie’s hand away and looked around the room quickly. He was in fact in his room, however he didn’t remember coming in here.  
  
“I found you in the kitchen, you weren’t responding… you just kept apologising,” Donnie sounded worried.  
  
“Oh… weird,” Mikey said, forcing a smile though it faded quickly when Donnie moved to sit on the edge of the bed.  
  
“Mikey, we really need to talk,” Donnie said seriously.  
  
“We are talking dude,” Mikey said, still frowning at his purple banded brother.  
  
 _“He’s not going to let this go,”_ imaginary Donnie said. _“He’s heard you talking to us.”_ Mikey averted his eyes from Donnie, looking around for a possible escape. He knew his imaginary brother was right, and Donnie would never let this go, so the only real option would be to keep avoiding him.  
  
 _“You were making sandwiches before,”_ imaginary Raph offered helpfully and Mikey grinned widely.  
  
“Oh right! I was making food! Thanks!” Mikey said, taking Donnie by surprise as he jumped off the bed and bolted from the room.  
  
“That was a close one,” Mikey laughed nervously as he hurried into the kitchen.  
  
 _“He’s going to follow you, Donnie is very determined to get answers,”_ imaginary Leo said.  
  
“Yeah, I know, but I’m also a much better ninja than he is, I’ve had years more training than him at this point!” Mikey said happily, going over to the counter where he had left his half made sandwiches. He started humming to himself as he started piling the sandwiches onto a plate.  
  
“Mikey,” Donnie spoke from the doorway, but Mikey ignored him and continued on with his self appointed task. “Mikey, please talk to me,” Donnie pleaded, and still Mikey ignored him, until the purple banded turtle walked forward and placed something on the counter top. This small object had Mikey stopping and he stared at the broken t-phone.  
  
“Where did you find that?” Mikey asked, the smile falling from his face.  
  
“I found it when I was cleaning up some of the computer parts in my lab,” Donnie said. “I’m assuming you were the one who put all that stuff in there?”  
  
“Yeah, I got stuff for you, Raph and Leo…” Mikey admitted. “If there’s anything in there you don’t want, just say the word and I’ll go toss it back in the dump,” Mikey said, now avoiding looking at the broken phone that Donnie had put on the counter.  
  
“Mikey, what happened to your phone?” Donnie asked. “You told me you just couldn’t charge it, because the power went out.”  
  
“Well, look at it, if this thing holds any kind of charge now, then you made probably one of the best phones in existence,” Mikey said, moving the broken thing out of the way as he slid a plate of sandwiches over toward Donnie. “Lunch is served!”  
  
 _“He’s not going to let you change the subject,”_ imaginary Raph growled.  
  
Mikey took a large bite out of his sandwich, trying to stop himself from replying to Raph. He knew his imaginary brother was right, he knew they all were, and Donnie wasn’t going to let this subject drop until he had the answers he was looking for. The problem was that Mikey wasn’t sure he was ready to give him those answers.  
  
“Mikey, just talk to me, please,” Donnie said.  
  
“Why?” Mikey asked, putting his sandwich down and locking eyes with Donnie. “Give me one good reason why I should talk to you?”  
  
“You always talk to me,” Donnie said.  
  
 _“Yeah, that was till ya walked out on him!”_ Imaginary Raph growled.  
  
 _“You left him, abandoned him, then expect him to be happy when you return,”_ Imaginary Leo added.  
  
 _“You claim to be his brother, you claim to be worried about him, the truth is you are only staying here now out of guilt,”_ imaginary Donnie snapped. And Mikey knew that his real brother couldn’t hear the voices, but Mikey felt that they were once again right.  
  
“Thanks, I’ll handle this,” Mikey said, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath to calm himself. He was angry at Donnie, though at the same time, he really didn’t want to push his brother to leave him again.  
  
“Mikey?” Donnie looked concerned when Mikey wasn’t talking.  
  
“I used to talk to you, D,” Mikey said, opening his eyes to look at his taller brother again. “Three years ago, you were one of the first people I would come talk to, out of anyone. If I was having problems with Raph, I would talk to you sooner than Leo, any problem I ever had growing up, you’ve been my best friend my entire life,” Mikey said, watching as Donnie gave him a gentle smile.  
  
“You’re mine too-”  
  
“You USED to be my best friend,” Mikey cut him off with a growl. “That changed three years ago Don, when you up and left without a word, you didn’t even try and call!”  
  
“Even if I tried, I clearly couldn’t have been able to get through,” Donnie indicated the broken t-phone he had put on the counter. Mikey felt the anger surge inside him.  
  
“Don’t you _dare_ turn this around and make it my fault!” Mikey shouted. “You never called! You’re Donnie, you’re one of the smartest people I’ve ever known in my whole life, if you wanted to contact me, you would have found a way! If you had cared at all, you would have called!”  
  
“I did care Mikey!” Donnie argued back. “I just couldn’t be here, not after… I needed space! And I thought you were alright! You were here with Raph, you had Raph!”  
  
“You don’t think we all needed space? Do you think I wanted to be stuck here for the last three years?” Mikey felt his throat tightening as he held back the urge to cry, three years worth of loneliness and pain coming to the surface. Three years of anger surging through him as he held himself back from doing something he would regret. He had already been responsible for the death of one family member, and no matter how upset he was, he refused to physically lash out at Donnie.  
  
“Mikey…” Donnie began, but Mikey shook his head.  
  
“Shut up!” Mikey snapped. “You can’t vanish for three years, then come back here and expect things to be the same, I’m letting you stay here because at the end of the day, you’re still my brother.” Mikey narrowed his eyes at Donnie. “But you have no right to come in here and demand answers, you have no right to call Raph back here, he left, making it quite clear that he never wanted to see me again.” Mikey took a deep breath calming himself further. “Now if you excuse me, I’ve got training to get to,” Mikey said, leaving his sandwich on the counter he left the kitchen.  
  
 _“Way ta go Mike!”_ imaginary Raph cheered, and Mikey smiled.  
  
 _“You did good, little brother,”_ imaginary Leo praised. _“Let's get some training done, we’ll make today an easy one.”_  
  
“No need, I’m really worked up at the moment, I have to burn off some steam,” Mikey said as he slid into the dojo, picking up a candle close by and lighting it. Automatically his gaze traveled toward the grave marker under the tree, only to freeze when instead of the grave marker, he saw his father.  
  
The large rat was laying on the floor, a large pool of blood had formed under him. The eyes that had once been so full of love, caring, and at times concern for the four turtles that the rat had claimed as his sons, were now dull and lifeless.  
  
 _“Don’t look at it Mikey,”_ imaginary Donnie said.  
  
 _“It will go away soon, just start training,”_ imaginary Leo said. Mikey nodded slowly, unable to take his eyes away from the image before him. It was a reminder that at the end of the day, he was the one that had broken his family.  
  
Mikey easily slid into starting his first kata, the movements were not as fluid as they had once been, he no longer added his own flare to each move. It had once been nothing more than a game to him, so who cared to f he wasn't as perfect as Leo, or as strong as Raph, and at the end of the day Mikey knew he could never come close to being as smart as Donnie.  
  
 _“You’ve always been the heart of this family, Mikey,”_ imaginary Donnie said.  
  
 _“You were the one that kept us together,”_ imaginary Leo said, echoing the words that his real older brother had said countless times. But Mikey knew the truth now, knew that it wasn't him that kept the family together, it was never him. Splinter, their sensei, their loving father and mentor, he had been the one that held the family together.  
  
Mikey's eyes drifted toward the grave marker once again, his movement faltered and he let out a low growl. “Start over, from the beginning,” Mikey told himself, using the stern tone of voice that he used while trying to copy Splinter.  
  
Mikey moves back into position and started the kata again, he tried to keep his focus, but he slipped up again. “Again!” He snappe at himself.  
  
He was off balance. “Again!”  
  
He had put too much force into that one move. “Again!”  
  
He couldn't focus. “Again!”  
  
Splinter’s body wouldn't vanish, it lay there by the grave marker the lifeless eyes watching him, accusing him. “Again!”  
  
Mikey shook his head, crumbling to the floor, sweat dripping down his face as he panted to catch his breath. “Get up, and do it again,” he hissed angrily to himself. Pushing himself to his feet he started over from the beginning once again. Never aware of the fact that Donnie was standing just inside the dojo, watching him.  
  
Mikey finished the kata, and knew he had made one mistake after another, but he was too tired at the moment. Falling to the floor again he sat there, out of breath and muscles aching, he knew he should get up, knew he had to continue working, however he couldn’t make himself move again. Baby blue eyes were fixed on the grave marker, and the body that he could see laying there. A small sob escaped Mikey, the orange banded turtle curled up on himself, his body trembling with suppressed sobs.   
  
“It isn’t going away, Leo, why isn’t it going away?” Mikey cried.  
  
 _“Easy, it's okay Mikey, it will be okay,”_ imaginary Leo said. Mikey opened his eyes to stare at the grave marker again.  
  
 _“Don’t look at it, Mikey,”_ imaginary Raph ordered. _“Lookin’ only makes it worse, let us protect you,_ ” Raph sounded almost like he was pleading with Mikey.  
  
Mikey curled up tighter on the floor, though he couldn’t close his eyes, he couldn’t look away from the grave marker or the body of his father, no matter what his imaginary brothers said. There was a crack in the world he had created for himself, and reality was leaking through.  
  
Something brushed against his shell and Mikey flinched, but didn’t pull away. He had no strength left, he was so tired, physically and emotionally.  
  
“Mikey, I’m… I’m so sorry,” Donnie whispered, slowly Mikey turned his gaze toward his purple banded brother. Donnie was watching Mikey, worry and guilt written all over his face.  
  
Mikey felt a pain he hadn’t felt in three years, the longing to be close to his brothers, to have his real brothers there with him. To feel safe and protected like he had before, when everything was still normal, when they were still a family.  
  
 _“We are here with you, Mikey,”_ imaginary Donnie’s voice was softer than usual, as if Mikey was hearing it from a great distance. He tried to focus on it, tried to hear what else his imaginary brother was saying. But his real brother was speaking again, and Mikey focused in on him instead.  
  
“-never going to leave again,” Donnie was saying, and Mikey blinked at him, not sure what his older brother had been saying beforehand. But he had heard the last bit loud and clear, the promise his brother was giving him. Mikey couldn't stop the tears from falling then, even if he had wanted to.  
  
Arms were suddenly around him, pulling him up off the floor, and close to a warm body. A feeling that even the voices in his head had never been able to provide washed over him, and Mikey knew he didn’t deserve it, knew he should push Donnie away again. His older brother was dangerous, Donnie was the harsh reality that was going to eventually break through Mikey’s world.  
  
 _“He needs to leave,”_ imaginary Leo and Raph said, their voice echoing through MIkey’s mind, and for the first time in three years, Mikey ignored them. He clung to his real brother and cried, accepted the comfort he knew he didn’t deserve, but so desperately craved.  
  
 _“He’s ruining everything,”_ imaginary Donnie said, his voice further off than before. Mikey almost wanted to call out to him, but the voice of his real brother was so loud and clear, that Mikey couldn’t help but focus on that instead.  
  
“Whatever’s wrong, we’ll fix it,” Donnie said, his grip tightening on Mikey as the smaller turtle curled up as close as possible to him.  
  
\---------------------x  
  
Mikey let out a content sigh as he snuggled down further into the warmth that surrounded him, it felt nice, comforting in a way. But something in the back of his mind kept telling him that this was wrong, he shouldn’t be warm and comfy, winter was just around the corner, the lair was cold, he should be going into hibernation soon, not feeling warm wrapped up in a nice heated blanket.  
  
Slowly blinking open baby blue eyes, Mikey winced letting out a small hiss when the bright light assaulted him. Clenching his eyes shut tightly and burying himself further under the blanket blocking the light for a moment. He opened his eyes again.  
  
The light was still too bright, far brighter than the candles he had been using over the past year. _“The power is back on, dummy,”_ imaginary Raph snapped and Mikey couldn’t stop the smile.  
  
“Raph.” He let out a sigh of relief, his imaginary brother sounded angry, and Mikey couldn’t blame him. However the younger turtle was just happy to know that his imaginary brothers were still there.  
  
 _“You can't just assume we're going to keep helping you, if you ignore us like that,”_ imaginary Leo said.  
  
“Sorry,” Mikey apologized. “It's just...it was Splinter.”  
  
 _“We know Mikey, it would have vanished if you listened to us and stopped looking, you know that makes it worse,”_ imaginary Leo said _._  
  
“But it wasn't going away,” Mikey argued. “I tried not looking and it was still there.”  
  
“Mikey?”  
  
The orange banded turtle blinked, lowering the blanket away from his face and stared up at Donnie. He hadn’t even realised his real brother was in the same room as him, and he’d been laying here talking to his imaginary brothers.  
  
“...uh, hi,” Mikey greeted, and Donnie let out a relieved sigh.  
  
“Hi,” Donnie greeted back, as if he was unsure of what else to day at the moment.  
  
 _“Make him leave,”_ imaginary Leo ordered, and Mikey was shocked to hear how hostal his imaginary brother sounded. But he couldn’t answer him, not while Donnie was sitting right there.  
  
 _“It doesn’t matter if you talk now, he’s heard you talking to us multiple times already!”_ imaginary Raph snapped. Mikey stubbornly bit down on his lower lip, refusing to talk, and refusing to make Donnie leave, he didn’t want his real brother to leave him again, because Mikey was sure he wouldn’t survive through his brother leaving again.  
  
“Mikey, I don’t know how I can apologise to you,” Donnie said, and Mikey blinked at him in confusion. “When I left, I hadn’t even thought about what it would do to you, or to our family in general, the only thought I had was to get out of here.”  
  
“I told you before, D. I totally understand why you guys left, I just happened to be the unlucky one that got stuck here,” Mikey said, forcing a smile.  
  
 _“What did I just tell you about ignoring us,”_ imaginary Leo said, and Mikey flinched closing his eyes.  
  
“I’m sorry,” Mikey mumbled.  
  
 _“Make him leave, he has no place here anymore,”_ imaginary Leo ordered, Mikey glanced back up at Donnie.  
  
“What are you sorry for, Mikey?” Donnie asked, but Mikey shook his head quickly.  
  
 _“We can’t keep you safe, while he’s still here,”_ imaginary Raph growled.  
  
“I’m sorry, I can’t…” Mikey shook his head again, shifting to stand up from his bed, however Donnie reached out and stopped him.  
  
“Mikey, please tell me what’s wrong,” Donnie requested. “I want to help you, please, let me make things up to you, you’re really starting to worry me.”  
  
“It’s nothing Donnie, really I’m just… things are still a bit weird having you back all of a sudden,” Mikey said, and he was sure that Donnie could tell that he was lying, or at least still hiding things.  
  
 _“Get rid of him!”_ imaginary Leo yelled.  
  
“I can’t! He’s my brother!” Mikey shouted back, and for the third time in the last few minutes he locked eyes with Donnie. And he could practically see his brainiac brother piecing things together. “I… I gotta go,” Mikey said quickly, shoving Donnie back away from him he fled the room before the purple banded turtle could stop him again.  
  
He couldn’t make Donnie leave, so the next best thing was for him to leave. If he left this place, ran away like all his brothers had, then maybe the pain would finally stop.  
  
“Mikey wait!” Donnie called after him, but the smaller turtle was already up the stairs and jumping over the turnstiles, darting out into the sewers.  
  
 _“You can’t abandon your home,”_ imaginary Leo said, though he didn’t sound as angry as he had before which made Mikey relax a little.  
  
“Why not? They all did,” Mikeys aid.  
  
 _“It’s getting colder out, you’ll go into hibernation before you came make it very far,”_ imaginary Leo reminded him.  
  
“Either way, I won’t have to deal with this, I won’t have to choose between you and my real brothers,” Mikey said, rounding another corner, only to run right into a hard chest. He stumbled backward and would have fallen if strong arms hadn’t wrapped around him.  
  
Arms that were full of familiar warmth, and the promise of protection that Mikey only remembered now in dreams. Slowly lifting his head up Mikey stared into the far to familiar eyes of his second oldest brother and former lover, Raphael.  
  
The two of them just stood there, both frozen in place with Raph’s arms wrapped around Mikey, preventing the smaller turtle from falling to the ground. Neither of them had been prepared for the abrupt meeting, and so for that moment words failed them.  
  
 _“Donnie really did call him back,”_ imaginary Raph growled.  
  
 _“Now we have to work on getting rid of both of them,”_ imaginary Leo said in annoyance. _“Maybe you’re right about this Mikey, leaving now would be for the best, if Raph and Donnie are back, Leo won’t be far behind,”_ imaginary Leo informed him.  
  
Mikey could just nod his head in agreement, his eyes and main focus still on Raphael in front of him. He didn’t know what to say, or what he could say for that matter.  
  
 _“I vote for a good punch in the head,”_ imaginary Raph offered as a suggestion, and one that Mikey was highly tempted to follow up on.  
  
“Are you going to stand there and stare at me? Or give me a proper greeting?” Raph questioned, and Mikey felt anger boil up inside him.  
  
“I can’t decide what kind of greeting would be more proper right now, normally it would have been a kiss, but right now I’m debating on telling you to fuck off or punching you in the head, which too you prefer?” Mikey asked.  
  
Raph was clearly surprised with Mikey’s answer, the shock written plainly on his face as he slowly let the smaller turtle go. “Personally I’d prefer a kiss,” Raph said, and Mikey’s reply to that was a small growl.  
  
“Mikey!” Donnie’s voice echoed through the tunnels just as the purple banded turtle rounded the corner. Both mikey and Raph turned to look at their other brother that had obviously been chasing Mikey down. Donnie paused staring at Mikey, then looking to see Raph standing next to him.  
  
“Raph, you’re here,” Donnie said, letting out a small sigh, and Mikey just turned his glare onto his purple banded brother.  
  
 _“Run, Mikey,”_ imaginary Leo ordered, and Mikey shifted his feet, getting ready to do just that.  
  
“Mikey wait,” Donnie said, his attention snapping away from his red banded brother when he saw Mikey starting to shift away from them.  
  
Mikey paused, his eyes still fixed on Donnie, though he was still very much aware of how close Raph was to him at the moment.  
  
“What?” Mikey asked, waiting for Donnie to continue speaking.  
  
“I’m not going to pressure you into talking to me, if that’s what you want, I’ll leave things alone but please, come back to the lair? Don’t run off,” Donnie said, and Mikey couldn’t help but think that his brother was pleading with him.  
  
 _“He’s got some nerve askin’ ya not ta run off!”_ imaginary Raph snapped.  
  
“You mean like you did?” Mikey snapped, his hands balling into fists. “I need some air,” Mikey said and turned his back on Donnie.  
  
“Hold up there Mikey,” Raph said, reaching out to grab the smaller turtle's arm. However his hand closed around thin air as Mikey moved quickly, kicking out and taking Raph’s legs out from under him.  
  
“And you, have no right to touch me,” the hiss that Mikey let out was almost animalistic, and in the next moment, the orange banded turtle was gone, leaving behind two stunned brothers.  
  
“Now I see why ya called me home so urgently,” Raph said, still laying on the ground as he turned his gaze toward Donnie, the purple banded turtle however kept looking in the direction Mikey had just run off in.  
  
TBC

YAY! Raph's back! :D hopefully I can get Leo back in the next couple chapters as well! Hope you all enjoyed it! I'm hoping that I will be able to focus on writing more once the holiday season is done, we shall see!   
  



	4. chapter 4

Chapter 4

Donnie was reluctant to return to the lair. He wanted to go after Mikey, but logically he knew his chances of catching the younger ninja were very slim. Mikey was still the fastest out of all of them, and from what he had seen in the past couple days, the orange-banded turtle had most definitely not been slacking with his training. 

“Are we just standing here? Or are we goin’ after him?” Raph snapped. 

Donnie shook his head. “Not yet, he needs some space…”

“Weren’t you the one who told me over the phone that he’s been alone for three years? How much more space could he possibly need?” Raph growled, clearly annoyed by the situation he had come home to. 

Donnie sighed. “Yes Raph, he was alone for the last three years, but that doesn't mean he won't need space right now. From what I can tell he's been in near isolation the whole time, and I for one would like to know why that is,” he explained, narrowing his eyes at Raph. “Last I knew, before I left, you two were together. Care to explain what happened? Why did you leave Mikey?” 

Donnie was trying not to sound accusing, but knew he failed, from the glare that Raph was now giving him, and the angry growl rumbling from his brother’s throat. 

“What happened between me and Mikey is our business, not yours!” The red banded turtle snapped. “Besides, you're as much at fault as I am.”

“How do you figure that?” Donnie questioned, crossing his arms over his plastron waiting to hear how Raph came to that conclusion. “I'm not saying you're wrong,” he added when Raph let out another angry growl. “But when I left here, I had no way of knowing that you two were fighting.” 

“Ya still up and left, without telling us,” Raph accused.

“Because I didn't want to be talked into staying! Our father had just been killed, we were all dealing with that in our own way, but I couldn't be here while you and Mikey had each other, and I had no one…” Donnie trailed off, letting out a long sigh. 

“Look,” Raph said, reeling in his anger as best he could. “I'm sure ya didn't call me back here so we could point fingers at each other” so why don't you tell me what happened, then we can fix this and I can get back to my own life.”

Donnie raised an eye ridge at his brother. “You seem to be in a hurry to leave again.”

“This ain't where I belong anymore, Don,” Raph said with an unapologetic shrug of his shoulder.

“Then why did you even bother coming back?” Donnie demanded, clearly not happy with the idea that Raph wasn’t planning on sticking around. 

“Cause ya said Mikey needed help. Once he’s fixed, I'm leaving again.” Raph explained.

“He does need help,” Donnie sighed, rubbing his face with his hand. “I don’t think there is going to be a way to ‘fix’ him though…” he tried to explain, but when Raph gave him a confused look, Donnie let out another sigh. “Just… come with me, I want to show you something,” Donnie said, turning and going back towards the lair. 

Raph hesitated for a moment, glancing over his shoulder in the direction that Mikey had run off in. “Ya sure we shouldn't go after him?”

“If you think you can catch him, be my guest, but Mikey definitely hasn’t been slacking on his ninja training. I’m a bit rusty with the whole tracking a master of stealth, but if you’re up for that challenge…” Donnie trailed off, glancing over his shoulder when he heard Raph let out an annoyed huff. 

Raph reached down, grabbing the duffle bag he had dropped when Mikey ran into him, before turning back to Donnie. “What did ya wanna show me?” 

“This way,” Donnie said, and he led the way back to the lair. Not that Raph needed to be led there, he could probably still run through these tunnels blindfolded. Growing up there, years of playing hide and seek, which had turned into a new game of ‘ninja tag’, meant it would be hard to get lost.

The two turtles were silent as they went into the lair. Raph stood just inside the entrance, taking a moment to look around. It looked like the home he remembered, from the old pinball machine, to the entertainment system the four of them had put together. However, something about the place seemed off, the atmosphere of the place was stale, like a ghost town; the layer of dust he could see over most of the surfaces just added to that feeling of wrongness. 

“Over here,” Donnie said, and Raph jerked his attention toward his taller brother. Donnie was standing in the doorway that led to his lab. Shifting his shoulder bag higher up, Raph followed. 

Looking into the familiar space Donnie had claimed as his own, Raph frowned at the disarray of the place. Dust, cobwebs and broken glass from old beakers covered places where Donnie had done his experiments, and tucked over in one corner was a pile of computer and electrical parts. 

“What’s with all the junk?”

“Mikey gathered it,” Donnie said, “your room and Leo’s room are also full of stuff, things Mikey has been collecting for us over the last three years.” 

“What? Why?” Raph turned his confused expression toward Donnie again.

“Because he missed us?” Donnie said with a shrug, “or…more likely, three years of isolation has caused some severe mental side effects…” 

“Ya sayin’ he’s got brain damage?” Raph snorted. “Always knew he was a knucklehead.”

“This isn't funny, Raph!” Donnie snapped. “We were all a little messed up after Splinter was killed, but did any of us stop to think how that affected Mikey? Splinter died protecting him, then within months we all just left!” 

Raph looked away. “Never said it was funny, but… well, Mikey's never been quite right in tha head anyway…” the red-banded turtle explain himself.

“Mikey has never seen things, or reacted to things the same as we do,” Donnie huffed. “I should have known… or should have done something…” he said as he knelt down to go through some of the parts that Mikey had brought for him.

“That wasn't your job, Don,” Raph said, frowning as he watched his nerdy brother beat himself up over something that was so far out of their control. 

“Mikey is the youngest of us. Not only that but he witnessed Sensei’s murder,” Donnie went on. “It was my job to make sure he was okay after that… let him know he could talk to me if he needed too, just as it was your job, and Leo’s. But we didn't do that, we didn't talk to him at all, we shut him out and abandoned him,” he said, anger clear in his voice. 

Raph knelt down next to Donnie, wanting to have eye contact with him as he spoke. “We didn't abandon him. We all needed our space, and you said it earlier, we had to deal with Splinter’s death in our own way. We all kept our t-phones with us; if something was really wrong, we could still get in touch.” 

“Is that how you were able to justify staying away so long?” Donnie growled. “You left with the intention of coming back, eventually, so you didn't really abandon Mikey, he could have called you if something was really wrong.” Donnie stood quickly, Raph followed just as fast. It was always scary when Donnie got seriously angry, and Raph wanted to stop him before he did something stupid.

The purple-banded turtle didn’t go far, just over to one of his tables where there were more electrical parts scattered around. “This is what is left of Mikey's t-phone,” Donnie said, showing Raph the shattered pieces. 

Raph stared at the broken phone with wide eyes as the seriousness of the situation finally started sinking in. “Fuck…” Raph said softly. It was clear that something more had happened to the phone than Mikey simply dropping it; Donnie had built the phones to last quite a lot of abuse. This damage was deliberate. 

“Mikey hasn’t told me how this happened,” Donnie explained. “And from the way he’s been acting, I’m not sure I’ll be able to get a straight answer out of him.” 

“We should really go after him,” Raph said, looking at Donnie, who shook his head. 

“We’ll give him a little time to cool off, then if he’s not back in a couple hours we can try and find him,” Donnie said, picking up the pieces of the t-phone. “In the meantime, I’d like to try and contact Slash, or Leatherhead, see if they can tell us anything that’s been going on with Mikey.” 

“Yeah, that makes sense,” Raph said, still trying to wrap his mind around the fact that he, Donnie and Leo had all failed Mikey on such a large scale. 

“You contacted Leo, like you said you would, right?” Donnie asked. 

“Yeah, he said he’d catch the first flight back here. I’m almost surprised he didn’t beat me back,” Raph said. 

“How much did you tell him?” Donnie questioned. 

“Not enough.” 

The new voice startled both the brothers who turned quickly to look at Leo, the eldest turtle no longer wearing his trademark blue mask, instead opting for a mostly black attire. 

“What has happened?” Leo demanded. 

“That’s what we’re still trying to figure out,” Donnie said, watching as Leo stepped into the room and looked around, his eyes landing for a moment on the pile of junk that Donnie hadn’t been able to go through yet. 

“Where is Mikey?” Leo asked, fixing his gaze back onto his two brothers. 

“He just ran off in ta the sewers. Don here said it would be best to leave him alone and let him come back on his own,” Raph answered. 

“You called me back here, saying that there was something wrong with Mikey, you didn’t elaborate, just hung up on me, and now you’re telling me you don’t know what’s going on, or where Mikey even is,” Leo said, clearly not happy. 

“Don’t you two start fighting the second you’re both home!” Donnie snapped. “Our priority here is Mikey, and if you two aren’t going to be any help, then you can just run off again while I try and fix our mistake.” Donnie crossed his arms fixing both his older brothers with a stern glare. 

Neither of them said anything, or even looked remotely guilty about the fact that they had all abandoned their baby brother. Leo and Raph could try and justify it however they wanted, but at the end of the day they had all abandoned Mikey, and they were all responsible for his current state of mind. 

“You seem to know what’s going on Donnie, explain,” Leo said. 

“Let’s go sit down for this. I’ve only been back a couple days myself, but there’s a lot to explain,” Donnie said, indicating that they should leave his lab and find somewhere more comfortable to talk.

\-------------------x

“Mikey has always had an overactive imagination,” Leo pointed out, seeming not to understand why Donnie was so worried. 

“This is more than just his imagination,” Donnie said with a long sigh. He had spent the last half an hour explaining what he had witnessed about their younger brother since he had returned home three days ago, but both Raph and Leo still looked skeptical. “It’s… it’s hard to explain, it’s more than him just talking to Splinter, or walking around talking to himself…” Donnie said, trying to find the words to help his brothers comprehend the severity of the situation. 

“I think the best course of action would be to find Mikey, and let us see for ourselves,” Leo said and stood up. 

“Not even back an hour and you’re already givin’ orders,” Raph grumbled. 

“I wouldn’t HAVE to be here giving orders, if you had looked after our brothers, like you promised you would,” Leo shot back, narrowing his eyes at Raph. 

Raph growled and got to his feet so that he was more on eye level with Leo. “If YOU hadn’t decided to chase this stupid fucking war all the way back to Japan, none of this would have happened!” 

“You can’t pin the blame on me for this one, Raph, unless you care to explain what you’ve been doing the last three years. Clearly it wasn’t here where you belonged,” Leo said, the challenge in his voice was all too familiar, and Donnie found himself diving between his two brothers before things could escalate further. 

“ENOUGH!” Donnie shouted. “Three years! And the first thing you two do is start arguing!” Donnie glared at Raph before turning the heated gaze toward Leo. “Raph is right, we're not soldiers anymore, the war ended for us after Splinter died and the Shredder vanished.”

“The Shredder was still alive,” Leo argued. 

“I don’t care! Their inability to let go of a childish feud ruined our family. You chasing after that feud for your own revenge was YOUR choice, Leo,” Donnie snapped. “I called you back to help with Mikey, to help your FAMILY; if your revenge is more important than that, then you can just leave, we don’t need you,” Donnie said firmly. 

When Leo said nothing in reply, the purple-clad turtle turned his glare back toward Raph once again. “Now, if either of you even cares enough to help, I'm going to find Mikey. You two make yourself useful and maybe clean this place up,” Donnie said and he turned to leave. 

“Wait.” Leo reached out quickly grabbing Donnie’s arm. 

“What?” Donnie snapped, glancing back at Leo.

“I'll go look for him,” Leo insisted. 

Donnie frowned as he looked at his eldest brother. “I'm not sure if that's a good idea.”

“How are you planning to find him anyway?” Raph demanded, looking at Leo. 

Leo turned to glance at his hot headed brother. “I'll track him, unless my assumption is wrong, and the two of you have kept up with your training.” 

Donnie pulled his arm out of Leo's grasp. “Call me if you find him,” Donnie instructed, “and if he runs away from you, do NOT chase him. We want Mikey to come back here, not chase him further away.” 

“Why would Mikey run from me?” Leo asked, sounding truly perplexed by what was going on.

“Because he's not thinking clearly, I can only make guesses at his mental health, at least until I've had the opportunity to speak with him properly,” Donnie explained. 

“Alright,” Leo agreed almost reluctantly, “anything else I should know?”

“If he doesn't want to follow you back, DON’T force him, call me and let me talk to him,” Donnie said. “I'm really not sure where his mind is at, at the moment, so just… be careful with him.”

Leo nodded once. “I wasn’t planning on hurting him,” he assured them, glancing once more toward Raph before he left the Lair without another word.

“You sure he'll actually come back this time?” Raph growled, clearly unable to keep his comments to himself.

“That is an unfair thing to say and you know it!” Donnie snapped, turning quickly toward Raph. “At this point, can't you just leave him alone? Yes, Leo left first, but as far as I'm concerned Mikey's condition is all our fault!”

“Why are ya getting pissed at me?” Raph snapped back, still on the defensive after this brief conflict with Leo. 

“I'm mad at all of us!” Donnie clarified. “Leo for leaving us all and deciding he would continue fighting on his own, you, for leaving Mikey the way you did-”

“I had my reasons!”

“And I'm sure they were very good reasons at the time! But that doesn't change the fact that when Mikey NEEDED you, when he needed all of us, we weren't here!” Donnie took a deep breath, closing his eyes as he forced himself to calm down; getting angry now wasn't going to help anyone.

“Lets just see about getting this placed cleaned up a bit more,” Donnie said, not waiting for a reply the olive-green turtle made his way toward the kitchen, leaving Raph to do as he pleased in the pit.

\----------x

Leo had to hand it to Mikey, his youngest brother had developed his ninja skills to the point where Leo was having to put in maximum effort just to track where the young turtle had gone. Leo felt a small burst of pride for Mikey, however it was diminished by the knowledge that Mikey clearly didn't want to be followed. 

Making his way down another old tunnel, Leo came to a halt, tuning all his senses to take in his new surroundings. It wasn't so much sight or sound he was looking for, but his baby brother’s familiar scent. It was the only way Leo had managed to follow Mikey this far, and it was much stronger down this tunnel. 

“Mikey?” He called out tentatively, listening now for any sign his brother was close by. 

Staying to the shadows, Leo slowly made his way further into the tunnel, coming to another sudden stop when he heard something from up ahead. Keeping quiet just in case it wasn't Mikey, he inched forward until he was next to the opening. Leo looked out into the large circular room, at all the other tunnels that connected up to it, scanning for any threats before finally turning his attention to the figure pacing around the center of the room. 

Leo nearly sighed in relief, however now that he was here, and hadn't been noticed yet, he took this opportunity to observe his baby brother, and maybe get some insight as to what Donnie had been going on about.

Shifting closer, staying in the shadows, Leo could now hear Mikey talking to himself.

“I know,” Mikey sighed as he continued walking in a small circle around the room.

“I know,” Mikey said again, sounding a little more frustrated this time.

“It's their home too,” Mikey huffed. Leo frowned deeply. At first he had assumed Mikey was talking to himself, it was something all of them had done from time to time, as a way to work out their own thoughts before going to face the problem. However, this was sounding more like one side of a conversation. 

“It's still their home! I'm not going to make them leave!” 

Leo started scanning his brother for any kind of mobile device, or walkie talkie, narrowing his eyes when he didn't see one.

“No! If I was going to do that, I would have stayed and talked to Donnie, and even Raph…”

“I...I’m not going back…” Mikey said softly.

“I've got no choice…” Mikey stopped pacing and turned his head up towards the ceiling. “I can't be around people anymore…” Mikey sounded as if he was trying to hold back tears, but from where he was, Leo couldn't see if his brother was actually crying or not.

“Hey Leo…” Mikey said, and Leo’s eyes widened, wondering how his brother had discovered him. “Why did master Splinter save me?” he asked. 

Leo felt his mouth go dry, his mind still reeling from being found, and from asked such a sudden and heart breaking question.

“I guess you're right…” Mikey said before Leo had figured out what he wanted to say, “it's still not fair though… if Splinter were still here, my real brothers might not have left at all…” Mikey sat down on the floor, shell toward Leo as the older turtle stared, taking in all the damage three years spent alone had done. 

Leo could now understand why Donnie had been so worried for their baby brother; it truly was more than talking to their departed father. Mikey had created a whole family inside his head, and now spent time talking and arguing with them. 

Crushing down the wave of guilt that threatened to rise up in him, Leo stood and slowly made his way into the room that Mikey currently occupied. He had only made it two steps, not even enough time to work out what he was going to say to the younger turtle, when Mikey was on his feet facing him, eyes whited out and weapon in hand. 

“Hey Mikey,” Leo said, unfazed by the fact that his brother had drawn his weapon on him. In fact, Leo was a little bit proud that Mikey’s ninja skills had evolved so well. Mikey continued to stand there, glaring at Leo, weapon still ready to fight. Leo frowned and stepped closer. “You can put your weapon down now.” 

Mikey let out an animalistic growl, backing away and Leo stopped moving, muscles tense as he watched his brother apprehensively. “Mikey?” 

“What do you want?” Mikey demanded. 

“Donnie sent me out here to get you, he wants you to come back to the Lair so we can all talk,” Leo said, holding his hand out as he slowly stepped forward. To his dismay Mikey just backed up further again. 

“Who is this guy, Leo? He looks like you… but he’s not you, he can’t be you,” Mikey said, and the budding concern Leo had for his baby brother grew. 

“You don’t recognize me?” Leo questioned, looking down at himself trying to see if anything was really that much out of place. He knew that three years away must have changed him, however he hadn’t thought it was that much. 

“No, he’s not Leo, he’s a shadow of my real brother,” Mikey hissed. 

“Mikey, I know I look a little different, but it is me, let’s just go back to the Lair-”

“No!” Mikey shouted. “You’re not Leo! You look nothing like him!” 

“We haven’t seen each other in three years, Mikey,” Leo said, “You don’t look the same either.” he pointed out, taking in Mikey’s thin form, and the numerous scars the younger turtle had acquired. 

Mikey continued shaking his head, backing away until his shell was against the wall. “You’re not Leo,” he said, voice soft and full of so much pain and despair. Leo felt something in his chest tighten as another wave of guilt washed over him. 

“I’m sorry, Mikey, but I am,” Leo said, holding his hand out once more. “Let’s go back and see Donnie.”

Mikey shook his head quickly, covering his ears. “Shut up! Everyone shut up! I can’t think! I… he can’t be Leo… no, you’re right, he’s not Leo, he’s nothing like him… Leo’s still in Japan… maybe he’s dead,” Mikey said.

Leo was growing more concerned for the orange-banded turtle by the minute. It was almost as if whatever barrier Mikey had had in place to keep reality separate from his overactive imagination was now gone. 

“Mikey, please come back with me, I think you need to talk to Donnie,” Leo said. 

“No… no! I won’t let you kill me too! You can’t take my brother’s place that easily!” Mikey shouted, and for a moment Leo though Mikey might attack him. Tensing, ready to defend himself if need be, watching closely, Leo was surprised when Mikey turned and ran, darting down one of the tunnels and out of sight. 

Even taken off-guard, it only took a second for Leo to give chase; he didn’t call after his brother, the time for talking was done. Right now what he had to do was catch Mikey and bring him back to the Lair. The warning that Donnie had given him, about not chasing the younger turtle was pushed aside. If Donnie had been here, seen the rapidly deteriorating mind of their baby brother, Leo was sure that he too would have gone after Mikey. 

\--------------x

The Lair was far from being the mostly clean home it had once been, three years of dust and grime to clear out. However, between Donnie and Raph they had managed to get the kitchen in good enough shape that they could store food in there again, and the pit, while still needing some work, was at least comfortable. 

“We’ll have to tackle the bedrooms another time,” Donnie said. “For now, the dojo is fairly clean, we can sleep in there.” He paused and looked toward Raph. “Unless you have somewhere else to be?” 

“I was gonna go crash at Casey’s old apartment,” Raph said as he sat down on the moderately clean sofa. “But that’s too far away, so I might as well stay here tonight at least.” 

Donnie sighed and sat down on the other end of the sofa, leaning over so his elbows were resting on his knees, hands clasped together in front of him. “Why did you come back?” 

“We’ve been over this already, Don,” Raph said. 

“Yes, we have, but you clearly don’t want to be here.” Donnie looked over at his older brother. 

“No, but you can’t tell me that YOU want to be here,” Raph huffed. 

Donnie let out a long sigh and looked down at his own hands. “It was always my intention to come back, I never wanted to leave this place forever… this place is home, it always has been.”

Raph snorted. “This place hasn’t been home since Splinter died.” Leaning his head back, Raph stared up at the ceiling. “We really fucked up though, didn’t we?” 

Donnie only hummed in response to that, the two of them falling silent for a long moment. 

“Raph?” Donnie sat up a bit straighter, looking at his brother once more and waiting for those green eyes to lock with his brown ones. “I know you’ve said it was none of my business, but can you give me a hint about what you and Mikey fought about?” 

Raph narrowed his eyes and sat up straighter as well, only he turned his head away from Donnie. 

“Please, Raph, it might help me figure out what is wrong with Mikey,” Donnie said, watching as Raph’s shoulders tensed up before the red-banded turtle let out a long sigh. 

“Ya know, the whole thing seems pretty stupid now,” Raph said. “I was just angry cause of Splinter and all, and even then I knew Mikey had more reason ta be upset than I did, I mean, he did see Splinter die and all.”

“Yes, he did,” Donnie sighed. “He never should have been left alone after something like that.”

“No, he shouldn’t have. Back then, things were just too hard for me to handle, I was angry at everyone, and… I may have… I may have said some things I didn’t mean to,” Raph admitted. 

Donnie watched his brother carefully. Anyone who knew Raph also knew he had a temper, and Donnie had been witness to quite a few outbursts from his hot headed brother, so it was easy to imagine what Raph might have said. 

“...Raph, you didn’t…”

“I was angry at the time! I know that doesn’t excuse me, cause it never did before, but I didn’t think I was leavin’ Mikey alone, I thought you were here, or that Leo might eventually come back too... “ Raph said, clearly wanting to explain himself. 

“Raphael,” Donnie said sternly. “I want you to look at me and tell me that you did not verbally blame Mikey for Splinter’s death.” 

Raph refused to look at him, shoulders tense once more, and it was the only answer Donnie really needed. But he wanted to hear it from Raph. 

“Look at me!” Donnie demanded. 

Raph spun around quickly, and Donnie almost flinched back from the fierce look his brother was giving him. “I fucking told him I wished he had died instead of Splinter! Is that what you wanted to fucking hear? I did more than blame him! I told him I wanted him dead!”

“Why?” Donnie asked, his voice calmer than he felt at the moment. “Why would you say something like that? Even being lost in your own anger… you’ve never wished any of us dead before… what was different then?” 

Raph shook his head. “Everything, Splinter was gone, Mikey was so messed up about it all… He was depressed, he wasn’t talking about it, not even ta me. He was in the dojo smashin’ things up one day. I was tired of him feeling sorry for himself.” 

“I remember him being upset, I never heard him smashing things around though,” Donnie said thinking back. 

“You were always in your lab, especially after Leo left, who knows, for all I know you could have already left by the time this happened.” Raph shrugged, as it wasn’t really important where Donnie had been at the time, all that mattered was that he wasn’t there. “Either way, Mikey and I had a huge fight cause I tried ta stop him from ruining all of Splinter’s things. He said it should have been him that died, I was so sick of hearing that from him at that point that I just agreed with him, I was sorta hoping it would shock him back to normal.” 

Raph closed his eyes tightly, hands clenched in his lap as he breathed deeply to control his own emotions. And while Donnie wanted more of the story, and would have liked exact details, he had enough to work with. He was still angry at Raph for saying what he had, but Donnie wouldn’t blame him for what happened to Mikey; they were still all to blame for their baby brother’s current state of mind. 

“Come on, let’s see about getting some food started, Mikey might be hungry when he gets back with Leo,” Donnie said and stood up. 

“Sure old fearless will actually bring him back?” Raph questioned as he stood up to follow Donnie into the kitchen. 

“If he can find him,” Donnie said. “Mikey really is an amazing ninja now; it almost makes me wish that I had kept up with my training.”

“Heh, yeah, I think my fighting has gotten more street style than anything else,” Raph admitted. “Here’s an idea, why don’t you and I spar? I’ll go easy on ya.”

“As kind of an offer as that is, I will politely decline. When I say that I haven’t kept up with my training, I mean at all, I didn’t spar, stretch, do any kata’s, I’m more than a bit rusty,” Donnie explained, going over to the cupboard and pulling out a few things that April had brought over for them. 

“All the more reason to have a spar with me,” Raph said, sitting down in one of the chairs that was left at the island table. 

“I’ll think about it.” Donnie smiled and started making a few sandwiches for them. “We’re going to have to get some more food down here soon, April only brought us a few things for sandwiches, and a couple tins of soup.” 

Raph nodded. “I can give Case a call, he’ll grab some stuff for us. Might as well go do that now, I want to find out where that bonehead is now anyway.”

Donnie watched Raph leave the kitchen to go grab his t-phone. Once alone Donnie took a deep calming breath; he had really not been expecting to come back home to this kind of chaos. He felt ashamed that part of him wished he had remained in California, while the other part was tearing him apart for not coming home sooner. 

“Donnie! Get in here quick!” Raph’s raised voice broke Donnie from his thoughts.

Dropping what he was doing, he immediately hurried to his brothers side to see what was wrong, only to stop in the doorway to the kitchen when he saw Leo carrying an unconscious Mikey over to the sofa and laying him down. From where Donnie stood, he could see a few dark patches on Mikey’s skin that were already turning to bruises, as well as a few new cuts that would need cleaning out. Turning his sharp gaze toward Leo. 

“What did you do?” he demanded. 

“I brought him back,” Leo said. 

“And what part about ‘don’t force him’ did you NOT understand! Dammit, Leo!” Donnie snapped and he stormed over to where his brother was, giving him a shove away from Mikey. “Raph, in my lab there is a new first aid box, can you bring it here?” 

Nodding Raph quickly left the room again. 

“You were right, Donnie,” Leo said. “There is something wrong with Mikey.”

“So you had to beat the shit out of him and knock him out to actually believe me?” Donnie retorted.

“No, I knew something was wrong when I found him, and I didn’t knock him out, I think he fainted,” Leo explained. 

“I’ve treated enough of these cuts in my life to know that they were made by a katana,” Donnie growled. 

“I didn’t listen. He ran and I chased him, when I caught up to him, he attacked me, I defended myself, leaving minimal damage,” Leo said, not sounding sorry at all for what he had done to their little brother. 

Raph came back with the first aid kit and handed it to Donnie. “He gonna be okay?” Raph asked, hovering over Donnie as the purple-banded turtle worked. 

“He’ll be fine, but I need space, so both of you just… go,” Donnie said stiffly. Mikey was going to be in a state when he woke up, and the last thing Donnie wanted was for the smaller turtle to freak out when he saw both Raph and Leo there. 

Mikey let out a pitiful whine in his sleep, twisting sharply away from Donnie as he attempted to clean the wounds. “No, not my brother… you’re not…” Mikey whimpered and Donnie gently reached up, placing his hand on Mikey’s head. 

“It’s okay, Mikey, I’m right here, no one is going to hurt you.” Donnie reassured him. “And I promise, I’m never going to leave you again.” 

TBC

Finally chapter four. First of all, this took me WAY longer to write than it should have. And second, I had this finished in November, along with four chapters to other stories. This one got a little lost in the shuffle, so I spent the last month thinking that I had actually posted it! I didn’t mean to have a year between updates!   
I am hoping to get back on track with all my writing this year, so hopefully this won’t be another year before it’s updated again!.


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